I have been wandering to find Him and my happiness is so great that it weakens me like a wound. And this is the marvels of marvels, that He called me beloved, me who am but a dog.
I remember as a little girl, not really ever knowing Christ, my older cousin reading to me The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. I thought God was boring but I loved these stories. I loved the promise of Aslan (my cousin got a cat and we named it Aslan, even). And then my cousin would always take me to a sheep farm, and she would tell me, “Katie, Jesus loves you”, but I was a little girl surrounded by baby sheep and what she was saying didn’t sink in. But I loved the sheep, so much. We would drive down the road and my cousin would put a cassette tape in, and the singer would sing about a God shaped hole and being stranded. I didn’t know what that even meant but I would play that cassette tape over and over again until one day the tape got crazy and spilled out (I will forever LOVE Plumb). And before my cousin left the country for a while, she gave me a ring. It was an old ring with a cross and 6 hearts. I didn’t care for the cross, I just loved it because it was hers. My fingers were so small I wore it on a silver linked chain, I still wear it on my finger today.
I look back at these years and see how God was evident in my life even when I wanted nothing to do with Him. He was in the sheep pasture, whispering I love yous as I held on to the baby sheep. He was in my music, telling me that there is room for Him in my heart. And His cross wrapped around my neck, on an ugly silver chain, and lay over my heart. He was in my story books, telling me about His son through a lion that I loved so much. I have loved Jesus all along. I was wandering to be filled, to be loved, and He has been here all along. If you feel abandoned or that there is absolutely no room for a Savior, look around you. He is always present. Even when you don’t believe, He has mapped out your way in the most perfect way.
Dearest daughter, I knew you would not be long in coming to me. Joy shall be yours.
-the lion,the witch & the wardrobe