We spent a week with my husband at a camp he spoke at last week. We danced and clapped during the worship songs, and my sons automatically raise their hands up in worship. It feels good to know we are raising them in a worshipping environment. My husband reads them Bible stories every night before bed, we listen to songs about the Father as we drive down the road, and we run after the Holy Spirit like a wild goose chase.
I sat with a friend while we were away, and she spoke into our life. she listened to my story. Spoke confidence into my heart. Reminded us that we are tethered together. Walking in the same direction, tethered by God. For a bit in our marriage it’s felt like we were tied together, running in opposite direction. Then my husband sent me some words tonight that confirmed how tethered we are, walking in the same direction.
I remember when we moved away, I sat in my dream but I kept hearing Him say, “the dream becomes the curse when you worship it more.” And the more I tried to control the dream, the more it unraveled. But He was so kind, so patient. To let me realize and see in our own time. To give me the dream despite the posture of my heart. So I give it up, hand it over to Him and trust Him to do whatever He wants to. And He was so kind and faithful in that. His sweetness forever changed the posture of my heart. And I’m no longer afraid to outwardly express to Him the way my insides have always felt for Him.
I know Father’s showing us deeper things. I know I’ll never be perfected, but He continues to strip back the old ways. The old things. Bringing new things to life. It’s like standing on the tip of my toes, reaching for more. More of His heart.
There’s something silently holy in this, like the unsung hero. These intricate moments of motherhood. My husband is gone another week for ministry, and our sons play at the sink together, here at home. I sit on the kitchen floor, head leaned against the wall, soaking in the ministry of being their mom. The light leaks through the window, and the Holy Spirit dances around the room as my boys laugh together.
We are patient for His direction and we are here, tethered together. And the Father keeps whispering, a new song is going to come out of me. And I’m learning where to find it. Where the light leaks through.
Photo by Amanda Allen